It’s been a while since I have written anything, and if you’ve been waiting I apologize.
I have had a lot going on these last few weeks including an incredible Maui vacation, husband in and out traveling for work, and some new major life changes.
I haven’t been able to find time to sit and ponder a good post. I do feel that I owe one though, for our journey has taken an unexpected turn.
We are returning to NH, just in time for summer in New England.
I know, there are a lot of thoughts, questions, and feelings around this change. Feelings from me, my family, our friends in NH and our ohana here in Hawaii, and possibly even some readers that have been following my journey.
Some of those feelings I have felt or heard from others so far are joy, sadness, confusion, surprise. Unbelief even.
You see, living through this journey has taught me many things and from the get-go, one of the things that I have talked about is that we should never say “never”, and be careful with “always”. The truth is, we have no idea what is going to happen. Sure, we can plan, and we should feel free to move forward and commit to things, but when we hold too tightly to plans, our homes, or even relationships, there is a potential that we are setting ourselves up for either complete devastation upon unforeseen change, or on the flip side, missing out on a different beautiful journey if the opportunity presents itself.
Take my life for example.
Dream home, great community, awesome friendships new and old, mostly good path and direction in life, and BAM!
What if I had said no? What if I had said never? (I came close).
I would have missed out on learning new ways of love by the young adults at church who love on my children in ways I have never seen and who have welcomed me into their friend zones without hesitation and reminded me of goodness and grace. I would have missed out on picking up old passions and hobbies such as playing the guitar again or investing thought and time into creative writing, or being inspired to eat healthier and experimenting with plant-based foods or fish that I never even knew existed. I would have missed out on experiencing life and nature in ways that I had never imagined, taking the time to breath and simply be, simply enjoy a sunset over the ocean, or watch a sea turtle napping on warm sand, or enjoying the time it takes to prepare a fabulous New Year’s eve meal and accepting that the preparation time isn’t a hindrance because why the frig are we always in a rush? We enjoy each other during that time too!
In my journey, we feel that it is time to return to the starting point. How could this be? We thought we were in Hawaii for the long haul. We committed ourselves here. We did everything in our power to make this our home and workplace.
For me, this next step of my journey is a beautiful and perfect, yet difficult and challenging one.
The next step is beautiful because I get to return home. I will return to all the people and places that I have loved and missed and helped shape me in the first place to be who I am. It’s beautiful because I get to return as a more seasoned and inspired version of my original self, with more gratitude and appreciation than ever before.
The next step is perfect because it just makes sense. It makes sense to me that my aloha journey has been one of growth, lessons, love, and gain, and that now I must return to NH and apply all of it, to share this deeper love, and hopefully teach what I have learned. It makes sense that something new has been birthed inside of me, and that the time is coming to see what we can do. It makes sense because I was being prepared in a way greater than I even understood and there is a place being prepared for my family to step up and just do it.
The next step is difficult because we truly thought we were here for good. We threw our hearts in with the friends we made here. We committed to our new life, our new ohana. We allowed ourselves to fall in love with the beauty and pleasures of living in the tropical paradise of the Hawaiian Islands. To think of our leave is very depressing in some ways, and to feel like we are letting people down or disappointing people that have come to know and love us is devastating. They have all been gracious and understanding, but it is still difficult.
The next step is challenging, for similar reasons why it is perfect. Because the task of applying what one learns, and being one’s better self in an old environment IS a challenging one. It is easy to keep growing and receiving in a place that is new, laidback and accepting and the catalyst for all that growth in the first place. It’s a totally different challenge to go back to the familiar, the old life, as the new self. I am nervous of failing. I am anxious that I will be frustrated with the culture, or the old ways. I am concerned that as a family, and as marriage partners, we will fall back into routine and not continue in a pursuit of greatness. These are some of the challenges that we may have to overcome or accept in a new way. Another challenge for me is staying in the moment still. I keep hearing this voice, “Don’t act like you’re already gone.” This can be a challenge because there is a lot to do to prepare for another cross-world move. Especially one so soon after the first! And there is a lot of excitement in preparing for our return. But being present is so important, because I know that in two months there is still so much to learn, and growth that can still happen. I want to soak up every bit I can. I don’t want to miss out.
I plan to write more, way sooner than the last gap, but for now I hope that you are inspired in some way. I hope that you are reminded that you never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but where are you today? What challenges do you face right now? What love is before you at this moment to give, and to receive? Don’t waste those moments. Don’t take for granted the impact you have, and don’t be so hard or tightly wound that you yourself can’t learn or receive. Being open to what is around you today, in this moment, is a beautiful thing, and this right here is where you have the most influence, right now.