It’s all about perspective, right? I thought I had this down, like to my inner heart of hearts down. And then life changes.
My family moved to Hawaii four and a half months ago, from the quaint and beloved state of New Hampshire. The move was, for lack of better term for the sake of this post, very impulsive. We did it on three weeks’ notice. No, we aren’t military (everyone asks), and it wasn’t like a job assignment per say. Originally, we came to Hawaii for a construction project we were a part of, but we thought it was a temporary deal. We planned to be here for two months and that’s it. But destiny had different plans. We felt in our gut that we were supposed to make the incredibly temporary move, permanent.
I know, it sounds adventurous and romantic and inspiring (and I hope it is all those things) but really, it’s just plain DIFFICULT. Truly.
You see, in New Hampshire I was getting to a place in life where I felt like things were finally coming together. We had helped start a church with our favourite people in the world, and it was thriving. We were in a beautiful, great town that had the best community and was the type of place where most people would want to raise their children and send them to school. Our business seemed to be doing well and taking a turn for the better, and we had hopes and dreams for the future that we were getting ready to implement.
We had built what we thought was our forever home, or at least the home we would raise all our babies in. And it was a serious labour of love. We literally built it ourselves from the earth up. My husband did all the site work, we designed and printed the blue prints, we put our own sweat, blood, prayers, tears, cement handprints, EVERYTHING into that house. And it was beautiful. This past spring, we got baby chicks, we designed and planted beautiful vegetable and flower gardens. We had brilliant plans for a patio off the back porch and even a custom, in ground swimming pool.
Life was good.
Moving to Hawaii rocked all that.
You see, last night after my babies were all tucked into bed and I finally had a moment to reflect, I became very emotional. I was thinking about the tiny, 3-bedroom, duplex we are living in now, that has no yard, barely enough room to park, and lots of problems. I was thinking about how tough it is to homeschool my kindergartener while my almost two-year-old is in this constant phase of tantrum throwing. I was thinking about how expensive the kind of fresh produce that I am accustomed to is here in Hawaii, and how it’s even difficult to find some of the grocery products that were staples back East.
Really, I was regretting what I’d left behind, and comparing everything to that life.
After a good cry, I got my journal out and started to fill it with prayers from my heart. And I realized how silly I was being. Yes, I believe it is okay to miss what we left behind. I believe it is okay to be sad about the huge, custom, GORGEOUS kitchen I had spent years dreaming about and finally received to have to leave it after only a year.
But I also was looking at it all wrong in that moment. What if that first house was just a stepping stone to the next house. What if I saw this move as an opportunity to do even greater.
What if I focused more on what we do have, and the blessings we have been given over and over again instead of continuously lamenting what I am “missing”? What if that missing would keep me from something even more incredible?
Friends, when things get tough, I know, it is so easy to feel sorry for ourselves, and our loved ones. My encouragement to you today is try not to look backwards wishing for what once was. If we can focus our intent on what’s in front of us, and gratefully, accept the challenges and push through the processes, what greater reward might there be?
Are you holding yourself back from your victories today?
Let’s let go together, and win some more!